Golden Rule: 1 Task, 1 Prompt

Delivery Instructions:

1. Parents must deliver a task clearly and briefly, “[Child’s Name], brush your teeth.

2. Only reward tasks if it was completed successfully with ONE PROMPT or INDEPENDENTLY.

3. If your child is given more than ONE PROMPT and they complete the task, give verbal praise of “good job” but no points. Do not tell them they did not earn points UNLESS they ask. Then immediately tell them to do the next task to earn points.

By following the Golden Rule, you establish healthy boundaries with your child; this creates a consistent, stable, and neutral training ground where your child knows the rules, exactly what’s expected of them and how to earn the rewards that they want.

This controlled environment allows them to act confidently and be self-starters who are motivated to complete their task lists because it brings them personal fulfillment.

2. There is no room for negotiation with the Golden Rule.

Another tip about the Golden Rule? Yes, it is that important! We hope that this will drive home the importance of following the Golden Rule as written with NO CHANGES.

• No matter how much they whine or cry for points, you must not give in.

• Do not engage in any dialogue regarding points. Simply redirect them to their next task where they can earn points after completion with 1 prompt.

If you give in and give your child points when not earned properly with the Golden Rule of 1 prompt, then you are teaching your child that there are no rules, and they can continue to do what they want. The message also is they do not have to learn skills or take responsibility for themselves.

3. Allow your child to fail.

As a parent, you want to protect your child from all the hardships, disappointments, and difficulties of life - although this comes from a place of love it is misguided. Even if it was possible to protect your child from everything in the world (Hint: it’s not possible!) that is not how to best prepare your child for life.

Teaching your child to face small disappointments as a child when they are totally supported by you will make it easier for them to cope with bigger disappointments and pain when in college or at their first job when you will not be there to “make everything better.” The best thing is to teach them how to fail in a supportive, loving, and caring environment so they can build resilience, independence, and self-reliance which will build self-confidence.

Additionally, being overprotective and overbearing has unintended consequences of making your child feel incompetent which may lead to a lack of motivation and low confidence.

As a parent, it takes strength to let go and let your child feel a minor disappointment of not getting 1 point for the present task, but they have another opportunity moments later so the disappointment does not last long. While this might not feel easy at first, in the end, it will be well worth it. The best gift you can give your child is the gift of self-reliance. Encourage their growth of minor disappointments under your supportive, loving, and caring household.

4. Focus on the bigger picture.

It can be hard to remember why you’re doing this. when your child starts crying and screaming when you take away treats and privileges that they used to exploit freely.

The next two weeks will be difficult and uncomfortable but remember why you are here:

You are here to help your child develop foundational skillsets so that they can go out into the world as capable, independent, and motivated individuals.

• You are here because you are tired of yelling and nagging at your child to get things done.

• You are here to get rid of that cycle of guilt so that you can make room for more meaningful and positive interactions in your family.

This temporary pain leads to a big and lasting reward.

5. Lastly, be patient and kind to yourself.

Take it one day at a time. While this process is tough for your child as they learn new skillsets and go through growing pains, it is equally difficult for you. In the next two weeks and months to come, you will learn to let go of old habits and establish healthy boundaries to form a new family dynamic. Just remember to follow the Golden Rule, be consistent, and let Nudge do the rest.

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